When Kate died
by Meian Kurayami
Summary: When Kate died, everyone in the team dealt with it differently. Yet one of them is hurting so much more than the others - and he doesn't let it show.


Disclaimer: NCIS doesn't belong to me. I only own the dvds of the two first seasons.  
AN: I've only seen the first two seasons, as well as half of the first episode of season three, so there might be a few mistakes here and there.

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When Kate died, the whole team suffered.

Gibbs, as scary as that was, got _nice_. He blamed himself for her death, because it had been him who had gotten her fired from the Special Services and accepted in NCIS. He blamed himself because he had been the one provoking Ari. And he blamed himself for not having been able to protect her.

Probie/McGee grew _a backbone_ and stood up to Tonys anger. He also blamed himself, thinking that if he hadn't let the transmitter get shoot, the team would have been down and Kate wouldn't be dead.

Ducky took it upon himself to take care of her autopsy – because even if it was going to tear him up inside, he had to do this. Because Kate would have hated it if anybody else had seen her body. She trusted him to do his job – she had actually asked him, right after the _bête noire_ case, that if she was to die in action, he would do the autopsy. He didn't blame himself, but he swore that he would be the one doing the autopsy on Ari. The terrorist didn't have to be dead for it, really.

Abby cried. She broke down in Tonys arms, thinking about her dream and how it had come true. Kate had been her best friend, and her only female friend at NCIS. They had instantly hit off.

But out of all of them, it was probably Tony who suffered the most. That night, after getting told by a _nice_ Gibbs to go and get dry clothes, he sat down on Kates desk, head in his hands, and _wept_.

When he had first met Kate, he tought she was hot, and that she had a fiery temper to go with it. He thought about asking her out, but never did. Something held him back during the Air Force One case, and later, when she got assigned to the team, rule 12 got in the way. So he settled on banter, and Kate was only to happy to tease him back. Little by little, he started seeing her as his best friend, which then evolved into a sibling relationship. She was like a big sister: always worrying about him, yet never showing it and always teasing him.

When she had been held hostage by Ari in autopsy and later, when the terrorist had kidnapped her, he had been worried sick about her – like he knew she had been when he had been on the run with the serial killer and when he had been kidnapped by the madwoman who wanted revenge. It was then that he realised that she was like his big sis. He never told her so, though. And now it was too late.

When he had gotten the letter which contained the plague, he had been scared out of his mind. Only Kates presence in the isolation room allowed him to keep his cool. The playful banter had been a welcomed distraction.

Later, when it had been confirmed that he had been infected with the plague, he had really thought that he was going to die. But then Kate said she had been infected too, and he had felt so damn _guilty_, because it had been his fault if she was there with him. Later on, he realised that she _hadn't_ been infected. Yet she stayed there with him, never leaving his side until Doctor Brad Pitt forced her out, even thought there _was_ a very real risk that she could get infected too. But she stayed and held his hand, trying to reassure him, telling him everything was going to be okay. And it had been. For a short time.

He hadn't been out of the hospital for one week when he came back to NCIS. And despite Kates attitude, he had seen that she was happy to have him back. He was weak as a newborn, yes, but the team was whole again. For all but three days.

When she had taken the bullet to the chest, he thought his heart had stopped. When Gibbs lifted her shirt, revealing the bullet-proof jacket, he had been so extremely relieved that he let the mask fall for an instant, telling her what a good job she had done. And then…

Then the bullet went through her head, and she was falling, falling so quickly yet so slowly… Her blood had sprayed his face, but he didn't care one bit. And while Gibbs had turned around to see where the sniper was, he had fallen to his knees next to Kates body, whispering furiously, telling her to stop pretending and _wake up now_…

When Kate died, Gibbs got nice, McGee grew a backbone, Ducky held a promise and swore an oath, Abby cried and Tony, who had been the shoulder for everyone to cry on, wept silently. Alone. Because no one, not even Gibbs, knew how close Anthony DiNozzo Jr. and Caitlin Todd were.


End file.
